Have you ever found yourself asking, “Why am I so drawn to partners who pull away?” or “Why do I keep attracting people who can’t give me what I need?”

This is one of the most common patterns I see in my work with women, and it usually comes down to attachment styles.

Specifically, the dance between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment.

This connection can feel magnetic, like you can’t help yourself.

But here’s the truth: it’s not fate it’s a pattern. And once you understand why it happens, you can finally shift it and call in the secure, nourishing love you deserve.

Why Anxious Attachment Is Attracted to Avoidant

The anxious attachment style longs for closeness, reassurance, and consistency. The avoidant attachment style values independence, freedom, and emotional space.

At first, this pairing feels electric:

The anxious partner feels lit up by the avoidant’s independence and confidence.
The avoidant partner is drawn to the anxious partner’s warmth and emotional intensity.

But as time goes on, it turns into the push–pull cycle: the anxious partner leans in, the avoidant partner steps back. The more one seeks closeness, the more the other craves distance.

And yet…you can’t seem to break free of the attraction. Why?

The Childhood Roots of the Attraction

Here’s where it gets interesting. This pull isn’t random…it’s familiar.

As children, we all learned what love felt like based on how our caregivers responded to us (Often totally unintentionally) :

If love sometimes felt close and safe, but other times distant or inconsistent… your nervous system learned that love comes with uncertainty.
If you had to work a little harder for attention being extra good, extra helpful, or extra pleasing your subconscious learned that closeness isn’t freely given, it has to be earned.

So as an adult, when you meet someone avoidant, it can feel like home to your subconscious.

Not because it’s what you want…but because it matches the old blueprint of love you’ve carried for years.

This is why the attraction feels so powerful. Your subconscious is essentially saying: “Ah, this is familiar. This is what love feels like.”

But here’s the empowering part: familiar doesn’t mean forever.

The Empowering Truth

You don’t need to stay stuck in this pattern.
You don’t need to chase, prove, or settle for love that feels inconsistent.

The anxious avoidant attraction isn’t about fate or something being “wrong” with you, it’s simply an old story playing out in your subconscious. And stories can be rewritten.

Reprogramming the Subconscious

Your subconscious drives about 90% of your behaviours. If it’s still carrying beliefs like:

“Love means I have to work for it.”
“I’m too much or not enough.”
“Closeness always slips away.”

…then it will keep drawing you to partners who prove those beliefs true.

But when you reprogram those beliefs—through tools like hypnotherapy, nervous system work, and subconscious re-patterning, you create a new reality.

One where love feels:

Safe
Consistent
Mutual
Nourishing

And in that new reality, avoidant partners stop feeling so magnetic.

Instead, you’ll start feeling naturally drawn to people who can give you the love and security you’ve always deserved.

How to Break the Anxious–Avoidant Cycle

Here’s how to start shifting right now:

Recognise the pattern – Awareness is power. Naming the cycle is the first step to changing it.
Soothe your nervous system – Practices like hypnotherapy, breathwork, or meditation calm the fear that drives anxiety.
Reprogram limiting beliefs – Access the subconscious and plant new truths: “I am enough. Love is safe. I am worthy of secure, lasting connection.”
Raise your standards – Decide today that you are no longer available for almost-love. You’re available only for the love that truly supports you.

The Takeaway: Yes, This Is Possible for You

If you’ve been anxiously attached and attracted to avoidant partners, please know: you are not broken, and you are not destined to repeat this cycle.

What you’re experiencing is your subconscious seeking out the familiar, not the fulfilling.

And that means you can change it.

I’ve worked with countless women who once felt trapped in these patterns.

Once they reprogrammed their subconscious and healed their attachment wounds, everything shifted. The anxious pull toward avoidance disappeared, and they began attracting secure, loving, consistent relationships.

And you can too.
This isn’t just possible….it’s inevitable when you choose to do the inner work.

Yes, this is absolutely possible for you.

✨ If you’re ready to rewire these patterns at the root and create the kind of love that feels safe, secure, and nourishing, this is exactly the work I do with women every day. And I’d love to help you do the same.